So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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