Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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