yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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