I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
