I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
