I'm going to jail i love you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.