carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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