i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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