Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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