You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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