Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
