i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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