Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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