he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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