It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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