Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
