he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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