May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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