We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
