Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
