yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
