She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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