So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
