North Korea, Best Korea!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
