If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
