can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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