I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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