theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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