i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
