The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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