when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
