Im at strip club and am horny
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
what the fuck happened to the tacos
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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