oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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