Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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