people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
