Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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