Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
