I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize