Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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