Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
