The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Blood and glitter go together right?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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