if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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