this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
