took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's not cheating when I paid for it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
