dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
