He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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