Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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