she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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