Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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