his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
