it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
