if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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