I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
