Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
