Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
