do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
