i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
