my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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