i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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