i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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