Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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