About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
